Friendship Each friendship exists in its own unique space. We often do not recognize this and instead perpetuate a narrow view of friendship, where we place friends in specific categories: close friends, hang-out friends, acquaintances, best friends, etc. We set up certain rules and expectations for each category, and when a friend isn’t following those rules or meeting those expectations, we become upset with the friend. If the friend continues to disappoint, we then demote the friend to a lesser category, or otherwise discontinue the friendship. This is how we temporarily salve any distress over the friendship, until of course it happens over and over again, either with the same friend or with someone else. We can avoid much of the stress involved in maintaining friendships by just doing away with those categories. Relationships are too complex to be so narrowly defined. Learn to embrace the incongruities and surprises that your friends have to offer you. That is what I mean by each friendship existing in its own unique space. When you recognize what that unique space is, then you can take full advantage of the friendship and what it has to offer you. What matters is not how often you see a friend, but the quality of time together. The inception of friendship is fortuitous and magical – you end up being friends with someone because you have connected in a specific time and place. Sometimes those friendships grow and last quite a while – other times, the connection may wane and lead to the dissolution of the friendship. Sometimes you may even be able to reconnect with a long lost friend – other times you don’t. It’s important to recognize the fluid and temporal nature of friendships. If a connection to a friend is waning, let it go. Holding onto it will only cause mental strife. Be open to new connections in your life. If you ignore them, then you’re not taking full advantage of what life has to offer you. Let the friendships come and go. Most problems in friendship are due to ego. Think about what you can offer your friends, not what they “should” give to you. Don’t worry about how your friends treat you. You can’t change them, but you can feel joy in giving to them selflessly. Relationships Friendships can exist in a unique space, but a relationship should occupy a broader space. The broader the space a relationship occupies, the longer it will sustain. Relationships often occupy a unique space, which is why they falter when circumstances change – such as moving in together, long distance, one person becoming more successful than the other. The unique space has been lost. A relationship should be fluid, flexible and adapting to ever-changing circumstances. It must have a strong foundation, and defy all categories. An ideal relationship is challenging, elevating and promotes mutual growth. It takes you to places that you could not have reached on your own. We tend to pick partners who bring out the sides of us that we most value, or are most comfortable with, in ourselves. For example, a person who values his humorous side will pick a partner whom he can make laugh. Sometimes we pick partners who may bring out certain sides of our selves at the sacrifice of repressing others. This kind of a relationship limits your potential and keeps you from being whole. Other times we make the mistake of picking a partner who only exacerbates our worst attributes. These relationships are unhealthy and less likely to last, as they are based on a poor sense of self. More often than not the partners we pick bring out both our best and worst attributes. Our responses to our partners’ provocations determine whether or not the relationship goes in a positive or negative direction. Disagreements can either become toxic and divisive fights, or challenges to help the couple learn and grow. With the latter, the positive continues to outweigh the negative, and then relationship becomes elevating. It is most important to pick a partner who helps bring out your goodness and talents. This is what you should value in yourself. Your partner should help you become who you want to be, not hold you back.